I know it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything here. To be honest, I’ve been dealing with a lot of psychological and physical things since being home that I’ve hardly felt like sharing anything.
Since it’s the first day of 2013 I should probably put something here! Happy New Year!
Forewarning, this is going to be about me talking about the problems I’m dealing with, might sound whiny. You’ve been warned. 😉
Since coming home I’ve had way too much time to think about what happened, why I waited so long, is my voice ever going to come back, will I ever be able to eat and drink like a normal person? Things I shouldn’t be thinking so hard about. Unfortunately, one of the several side-effects from the medicine (Liothyronine) I have to take prior to the Iodine Radiation treatment includes depression, which I definitely know I’m dealing with. I’m still asking myself if it was actually worth having it done. I still don’t know the answer to that, I’m sure in a few months I’ll be looking back and saying of course it was worth it, but right now with all the complications it doesn’t feel like it.
In addition to the depression, I’m more sensitive to the temperature. It used to be that I was always warm and didn’t need a jacket, but now I can never get comfortable. I’m either too hot or too cold. I’ve also been dealing with some sort of a urinary infection for the last week and constipation pains the last two days. When will I be better? How much longer until I get to back to a normal life? Or will I ever get to have a normal life again?
I originally was concerned most about the scar from the incision, and while it’s still a concern it’s not nearly as worrisome as not having a voice or being able to eat and drink normally. At least with the scar I can have a good story to tell, if I had a voice to tell it with!
Being at home has been incredibly boring, and it’s not like I don’t have a lot of things to keep myself entertained. I just can’t keep myself interested in one thing for a long enough period. I’ve been working for 3-4 hours a day which is good, but I’m exhausted by the time I close the laptop, and I’ve been dealing with stupid network access problems when trying to connect to the Microsoft network. Something that I was able to resolve on Christmas when I was able to get a ride to Redmond and connect directly. Sigh.
On a bright note, I’ve mailed my first two hospital bills this week, still waiting to see the bill for the actual surgery and hospital stay though. Without all of your kind and generous financial help whether big or small, I’d be in a world of hurt.
I need you all to know how much I appreciate all that you’ve done for me. I know that I’ll never be able repay each and every one of you, but your generosity will never be forgotten.
My next appointments are Jan. 15th which is a follow up with Dr. Short the Group Health Otolaryngologist (fingers crossed he’ll be able to do something with my dead vocal chord), I’m also hoping by this time I’ll be cleared to drive again. I then have an appointment with the Endocrinologist on the 17th and need to get some lab work done a few days prior. My hope with this appointment is that they’ll be getting me scheduled to start the Iodine Radiation treatment. I have a hunch that I’ll be admitted for a day or two so that I’m isolated depending on the dosage amount. When I went in for my Post-Op appointment with Dr. Bayles he told me he thinks I’ll need to do External Beam Radiation in addition to the Iodine treatment. I do not want that to happen after reading the process, I have to go in everyday, Monday through Friday for 6-8 weeks for treatment. Of course I’ll do it if it’s needed, but I certainly hope the Iodine treatment will take care of the remaining cancer cells.
My good friend Mike got me thinking that I should get a tattoo done when I’m all finished with this, so I’ve been kicking around the idea. Never really put any serious thought into getting a tattoo before, but it seems like this would be a good reason to get one.
On that note, gonna call it night. I promise not to take so long in between posts! Happy holidays to you and yours!
3 thoughts on “Just when you thought…”
Things will get better, Tiny. They always do. You've been through a lot. It's not unreasonable to give yourself a bit of time to get back in the groove of things. After a life changing experience, we can never go back to the way things were before it happened. We can, however, choose to become stronger as a result of it. Epic Blades were all once raw ore. But for the tempering by heat, strikes, folds and quenches, it would remain ordinary. Choose to be extraordinary, and know that we are all here cheering you on.
I'm sorry I haven't visited yet. I'll come by in the next couple of days.
You're probably tired of hearing everyone saying “it'll get better, it'll get better” because honestly none of us have a single clue what you're going through short of what you've shared with us. But I will say that you aren't alone. You could randomly scroll through your contact list and pick someone and they would be at your house so quick. I know you might feel like its a burden, but don't. We're all here for you, big or small. Take care homie, and keep your head up.
The scar looks bad ass. You are clearly loved and have a ton of support. If live does not go back to exactly how it was you will create a new normal, I have no doubt in that. Keep fighting.